Agony at its Finest

One week ago today, I was in the dreaded optomologist’s office, awaiting my punishment. Surrounding myself with good vibes, a great cold ice green tea, my laptop and Bob Marley in the background, I seem to moving with the beat, and it keeps my spirits high and happy, when I have been more down in the dumps than usual. This place is so peaceful and tranquil, ice shoveling for each customer that walks thru the neatly groomed coffee shop, cars driving by hastily, everyone sure does have somewhere to go, and much like New Yorkers everyone has a purpose and a destination. Just at the moment it dawned on me I am blessed, the disease is growing on me, and although I have not dealt with my sentence, not even to 1/3 of the issues that I am going to be faced with, I have a team of five great doctors, some of the best, I am learning to smile again at present. It feels great again.

What a hard concept to realize that a carpet was pulled from under you, did I even acknowledge the carpet to begin with? Probably so, but much like the rest of the women in this world, “I must be tired” “who cares that I feel sick, I must conquer my tasks today” “I’m spinning, its cuz I’m hungry”. Has society forced us women to believe that all of our symptoms or signs are PMS?? I pumped myself full of meds this week. plaquenil was the non-drug of choice, more vitamin C than a 50 year old would see followed by vitamin D and Fish Oil (for my non-meat eaters).

Mornings were no sunny days, and afternoon’s were slow to come. None of my great delish vegetarian food would even stay down for an hour, I shivered with night sweats and I cried un-consolably, my fever seemed so exposed, my fingers ached as limbs were going to fall off. My stabbing chest pain was back at the break of dawn. Wow this drug is strong and in full effect. I received around the clock phone calls from loved ones, what has become of this once full of life 29 year old? Out of fear and anxeity I text my older sister, she is a mom of 4 and knows how to snap me back to reality, she showed me every person who has persevered and gave me hope again for that split second, I must find a new me, I must find a new routine, I must buckle down and not give up. This battle has just begun, I must be brave, I must not be fearful, god has given me hope where I thought there was no light and he has proven miracles are possible; he took me out of abuse. I believe he will make my fantasy world come true. I must believe!

Educate Your Self